u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
