After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
