just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
