I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I'm like, not good at living.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
