he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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