You're a womanizer and a bitch.
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
