I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Randomize
