I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
