you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Randomize
