OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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