Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
if only i could text you this smell
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
