he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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