i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
