just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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