I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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