Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
