like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
