You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
