my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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