just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
