imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I'm both gender and math confused
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
