so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
