I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
