Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Hippo gnu deer
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Randomize
