Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
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