Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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