why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
