it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
