I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
