YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
