At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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