Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
