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is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
he shaved USA in his pubs
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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