hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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