Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
