the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
