i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
