Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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