the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
