I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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