Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
