I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
