I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
This is my gift to your gina
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
