we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Text me some of your sweat
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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