I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
