It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
