I'm so fucking centered right now
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
