Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
