I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
