Got a toothbrush?
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
